How much larger your life would be if your self could become smaller in it; if you could really look at other men with common curiosity and pleasure

Today I taught my grandma how to use the MP3 player she bought months ago and has never, before now, used. I also showed her how online shopping and facebook etc., work and she showed me all these beautiful pictures from when she was young and my mother and uncle were fat little babies in those funny little seventies baby clothes.
I'm reminded, yet again, how important it is to really live life with other people - I've become so used to spending time by myself that I get all kinds of anxious: even with people I love and trust. I always feel like I'm boring people or letting them down or being somehow selfish that I forget how to really enjoy the presence of people - and people are such darling, lovely multifaceted things. I wish I could interact with other human beings without feeling like I have to protect their feelings or save their souls or entertain their minds. But I just get so stressed out! And I do let people down, every single day of my life. Not in big ways or dramatic sins: just little things; I forget to do things, I fail to make appointments, I say thoughtless things. And every single time I do so I know I've done it immediately - and there's no respite for all the awful I feel. No matter how silly, I always want to do some kind of dramatic penance, go down on my knees and beg forgiveness from people. Unfortunately, this means that I don't take criticism well: not because I don't think I deserve it or because I get defensive, but because I always want to cry and that is not what a kind person trying to discuss a problem needs.