Been reading A LOT of Christian perspectives on gender roles lately and my brain sorta aches from the weighty and emotional back-and-forth of it all.
One interesting argument put forth by the complementarian/patriarchal side (I'm so so so sorry, I've read so many articles in the last 12 hours and I can't find which one it was. Terrible of me I know.) is the 'you shall desire your husband and he shall rule over you' curse, as an excuse for imbalance of power in male-female relationships. Um, yeah.
This could all just be me misreading and misunderstanding the Bible, so please feel free to discuss, but when I think of Biblical curses, I don't think of them as being the same as Biblical commands. When God curses Cain, the first murderer ever, Cain cries out that the punishment is too harsh and he fears that other people will see his cursedness and use it as an excuse to carry out their own vengeance and kill him. God tells him that anyone who does so will incur a punishment seven times more severe! So is a curse something that people need to rush out and fulfill on behalf of the cursed person? I've never thought so.
When God curses Adam and Eve He doesn't go to Adam and say, "Look, you're wife's going to desire you: rule over her." He says it to Eve, giving her a concrete consequence of her behaviour. He gives Adam a concrete consequence for Adam's behaviour too: life's going to be hard and short and work will be difficult and painful. If we are meant to enforce the opression of women, does this mean that we should tear down any man who finds himself in a fulfilling and enjoyable job?
It's an imperfect metaphor but I always saw God as the doctor going, "You jumped off the cliff at this angle: these are the bones you broke." The curse is not a part of God's original plan for the Earth, but a symbol of the Earth's brokeness! The curse is not a command on which to base behaviour but a sign that tells how commands have been broken and behaviour is not as it should be!
When humanity rebelled against God's command, it's as if the perfectly running train was driven off its tracks by a rebellious driver. Now the train is broken - but we should still try to drive the train on the tracks as was originally intended, right? Even if the train is broken and halting?

I am not a feminist; at least, I don't agree with all the agendas of second- and third-wave feminism. I tend to be very THAT BATHWATER STILL HAS A BABY IN IT about nearly everything, so I find it very difficult to definitely pick a side on political and social issues. I place a lot of value on traditionally 'feminine' qualities, many of which cop a lot of ridicule and abuse these days... such as a propensity to prioritise family life, community and children over breadwinning... or simply virtues that are seen as 'feminine', such as patience, meekness, gentleness and compassion. Let me make myself clear: I don't see these characteristics as particularly gendered at all - I value these qualities wherever I find them in humanity, whether it be male or female. Feminism and I can't agree a lot of the time because it seems to me that feminists reject these values and ideas in favour of qualities more traditionally 'masculine', such as leadership, independence, fighting spirit and courage. Which are all fantastic, wonderful qualities... just not necessarily better than those qualities traditionally seen as 'feminine'.

Isaiah 46:3-4

Listen to me, O house of Jacob, all you who remain of the house of Israel, you whom I have upheld since you were conceived, and have carried since your birth. Even to your old age and grey hairs,

I am He,
I am He Who will sustain you.
I have made you and I will carry you.
I will sustain you and rescue you.

My cheesy emo Christian song to belt out when I'm feeling a bit crap. Always makes me feel a bit better.

Identity

These songs are true These days are ours These tears are free...

Just got back from a shopping trip. My mind is in a weird, not unhappy, but certainly tired, achy mode this evening. Westfield will do that to you. It's the first time I've been shopping in about two weeks - the cupboards were looking unspeakably bare and I decided that it had to happen - one can't really make a meal out of two slices of beetroot, a block of Parmesan and half a punnet of strawberries! So I went to the shops. Usually I favour the cheapy-cheap goodness of Aldi but today I couldn't be bothered finding two dollars for their trollies so I went to Coles instead and drowned out the sound of the Masterchef ads with the sheer loudness of my thoughts. I've spent this last week in a sort of coma - my way of avoiding expenditure (which must, for goodness sakes, be avoided - I have to register the car before Mum has the baby!) - not going out, not visiting people or driving anywhere (I have about a 24th of a tank of petrol left)... I felt unproductive, but otherwise good about myself - lounging about in pajamas all day and watching the grass grow has a soothing effect on my soul.


Back to the shopping trip. I read somewhere that one should eat 3 portions of fruit per day - so today in the veggie leg of my trip I painstakingly counted out 21 pieces of fruit... one week until next shopping trip! I always try to buy my fruit meat & veg at individual shops instead of supermarkets - but it's always dreadfully intimidating. I take one look at the fishmonger and wither away into a heap of quivering jelly. Which is probably why I don't eat a lot of fish! And meat too - I'm almost a vegetarian these days - simply because I'm either too forgetful or too intimidated to walk into a butcher's shop and buy meat.


I also bought a book - Politically Incorrect Parenting, which is, so far, the best parenting book I've ever read. And yes, I agree that I'm a freak for reading parenting books; I've been doing it since my earliest childhood though. I read Babies! and Toddler Taming (Go Christopher Green!) when I was about eight or nine - and have spent the last nine-ish months reacquainting myself with Kaz Cooke and a ton of natural birth books at a feverish pace. Politically Incorrect Parenting is well-written, funny and sympathetic - and the author is both a father and a trained professional - good combination for a person writing a book about kids, if you ask me!

My song of the month is:

It started playing on the radio the other day when I was having a strugglesome moment in the car 'What do you want me to do, God? What direction do you want me to move in?' - that kind of a moment. And I started singing along and crying and decided to put myself in God's hands and see what He would do... pray for me, you lovely folks! And the song is all about our purpose being in glorifying God, so I feel a big need to do that. He IS pretty darn magnificent!

I give you back my voice...

G. K. Chesterton

Currently reading Orthodoxy by G. K. Chesterton. Love, love, love it! It's in the public domain, too, so I can post some here without feeling even slightly iffy.

"The sun rises every morning. I do not rise every morning; but the variation is due not to my activity, but to my inaction. Now, to put the matter in a popular phrase, it might be true that the sun rises regularly because he never gets tired of rising. His routine might be due, not to a lifelessness, but to a rush of life.


The thing I mean can be seen, for instance, in children, when they find some game or joke that they particularly enjoy. A child kicks his legs rhythmically through excess, not absence, of life. Because children have abounding vitality, because they are in spirit fierce and free, therefore they want things repeated and unchanged. They always say, "Do it again"; and the grown-up person does it again until he is nearly dead. For grown-up people are not strong enough to exult in monotony.

It is possible that God says every morning, "Do it again" to the sun and "Do it again" to the moon. It may not be automatic necessity that makes all daisies alike; it may be that God makes every daisy separately, but has never got tired of making them. It may be that He has the eternal appetite of infancy; for we have sinned and grown old, and our Father is younger than we. The repetition in Nature may not be a mere recurrence; it may be a theatrical ENCORE."

This vid here, is, of course, totally irrelevant, but cool. Freaky cool.

And Grace My Fears Relieved

The silly, irrational, emotional half of my brain has already defeated the rational half twice today.

I went looking for a future this afternoon, and frightened myself when I couldn't find one. *Deep breaths* Dwelt too much on the things I lack, like credentials, connections and a way to save the world. Had a quick, manic, freak out. Sat down. Read some Bible passages. Learned about some people who are way worse off than I am. Still feel terrible. But hopeful.

Sweet, maybe... Passionate, I suppose... But don't ever mistake that for nice.

Just having a nostaligic I-miss-David-Tennant-nobody-will-ever-be-as-good-as-him moment. Sorry. Watching the last 'Doctor Who Confidential. He cried! I love it when blokes cry!

How epic is this theme? Even if you hate 'Who', you gotta admit that this is pretty cool.

It's certainly been said before that hero stories fill a certain place in everybody's imagination. Doctor Who, whilst not really the most serious, intellectual program around (although it did start out as a way to teach children history!), expresses that need particularly well. It's a personal belief of mine that we all, deep down, desire a hero. Somebody to save us, who'd sacrifice everything for us... and for all our (nerdy) fond imaginings, the Doctor isn't real.

Why do we have this deep desire? It's part of the blueprint of being human. We desire a reason, a meaning, something bigger than ourselves. Particularly, someone. If we want a God, we want a God who cares. A God who doesn't just let things happen without doing something.

I'm not going to go all theological here, because it's late at night, and I'm tired, although this tangent is really splendid.

But God did the Biggest darn thing ever. He, in the greatest show of love the universe has known, willingly relinquished His cosmic power, became one of us, and died in horrible agonies. Because He loved His human babies so much. AND THEN, to top it all, He rose from death and ascended to power.

"Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends."
- Jesus Christ

The Love of Christ

John17:14-21

Jesus prayed to God for His followers:

"I have given them your word and the world has hated them, for they are not of the world any more than I am of the world. My prayer is not that you take them out of the world but that you protect them from the evil one. They are not of the world, even as I am not of it. Sanctify them by the truth; your word is truth. As you sent me into the world, I have sent them into the world. For them I sanctify myself, that they too may be truly sanctified. My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me."

As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When can I go meet with God?

I don't know what it is, but so often I feel so distanced from God; not necessarily spiritually (though, yes, kinda that too) but weirdly enough, chronologically. I sometimes feel so far from Jesus in time - I know He is outside time, master of it, tore a hole in the fabric of it with His love and pain, but sometimes it all feels so long ago and far away. I catch myself wondering which parts of the NT are only historically relevant (eg, I wouldn't take St Paul's edict about women covering their heads in prayer as a particularly applicable for our time - one of the reasons Paul isn't my favourite).
And I feel so hungry for God's love. Somehow a statement like 'God so loved the world' can end up feeling just far too broad. Jeez, I sound like such a self-absorbed nit for saying it, but I need to know that Jesus loves ME. I know that I'm surrounded by His beautiful gifts to me every day, signs of His marvellous love, but when I think about it I just feel guilty for not appreciating it enough. Bad response to a gift. I know it's a good thing to desire God, but it just feels like pain right now. How long, O Lord?
Because I'm so busy and so tired and my head is spinning and I want to sit down and watch a movie, read a book, tidy my room, study, anything but confront the issue I can't forget. My God will come for me, my Lord will rescue me from my despondency.

But those who trust in the LORD will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint.

In a real dark night of the soul it is always three o'clock in the morning, day after day. - F. Scott Fitzgerald

Just ate an apple for dinner. Excitement.

*Yawn*

I need to learn to be content at all times. I always feel like I'm waiting for something.

I want God to wake me up. I want to feel Him in my soul; I want to feel my soul. It's too easy to forget you've got one most days.

I wish I wrote songs.


This movie creeps me out horribly - but I love this piece of music...

It's funny - I'm not a very warm person (I think), don't know why; but I can't stand cold people. I'm always wanting to reach out and connect, but I never quite know how.

Things you probably didn't know:

When you tell me things about yourself I feel valuable, like a cup with silver in it

I love to lend. Just ask me first

I miss the safety and freedom of childhood

I used to think I could (if I had to) survive solitary confinement and stay sane

I love talking about the really, deeply important things in life

I love the emotional intensity and genre-relevant silliness of musicals

If I were a (professional) singer I'd do covers of music from the 20s-60s

I tend to be over-cautious about loving people. Because I'm afraid of loss

I over-analyse anything and everything
This can be helpful, (like for uni) but mostly it isn't

I'm addicted to ellipses... (and brackets - and dashes)

I won't fall in love unless somebody loves me first

I sometimes have trouble expressing myself verbally. Thus I love it when people finish my sentences. It proves they were listening

I don't usually cry in movies. Sometimes music can make me cry

I love acting, but I'm too emotionally detached to make a truly good actor

Cigarette smoke gives me asthma. I hate the sound of gum being chewed

I wish I were arty

The work of the romantic poets should be compulsory reading

I love to laugh

I get grumpy when I'm hungry (sorry)

I forget practical things sometimes (also, sorry)

I feel like watching Moulin Rouge right now

I wish I knew how to dance

I'm happiest when I'm somewhere far from civilisation with people I love

"I Should Be Glad Of Company Tonight... I Am Sad And Lonely..."

I don't know what's wrong with me. I just had an epic day, an awesome day, a truly spectacular nice day, but right now I just feel so lonesome. For no real reason at all, really. I just feel utterly alone, rejected, unwanted, isolated. My soul is heavy, weary. I desperately need a hug.

Then it strikes me. Tonight we remember Gethsemane.

Mark 14.32-36
When they reached a place called Gethsemane, he said to his disciples, 'Sit here while I pray.' And he took Peter and James and John with him. Horror and dismay came over him, and he said to them, 'My heart is ready to break with grief; stop here, and stay awake.' Then he went forward a little, threw himself on the ground, and prayed that, if it were possible, this hour might pass him by. 'Abba, Father,' he said, 'all things are possible to thee; take this cup away from me. Yet not what I will, but what thou wilt.'

I don't feel so alone any more.