I don't know what it is, but so often I feel so distanced from God; not necessarily spiritually (though, yes, kinda that too) but weirdly enough, chronologically. I sometimes feel so far from Jesus in time - I know He is outside time, master of it, tore a hole in the fabric of it with His love and pain, but sometimes it all feels so long ago and far away. I catch myself wondering which parts of the NT are only historically relevant (eg, I wouldn't take St Paul's edict about women covering their heads in prayer as a particularly applicable for our time - one of the reasons Paul isn't my favourite).
And I feel so hungry for God's love. Somehow a statement like 'God so loved the world' can end up feeling just far too broad. Jeez, I sound like such a self-absorbed nit for saying it, but I need to know that Jesus loves ME. I know that I'm surrounded by His beautiful gifts to me every day, signs of His marvellous love, but when I think about it I just feel guilty for not appreciating it enough. Bad response to a gift. I know it's a good thing to desire God, but it just feels like pain right now. How long, O Lord?
Because I'm so busy and so tired and my head is spinning and I want to sit down and watch a movie, read a book, tidy my room, study, anything but confront the issue I can't forget. My God will come for me, my Lord will rescue me from my despondency.
But those who trust in the LORD will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint.
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